In the beginning of dating someone we tend to over focus with our eyes - it's what society teaches us through movies and magazines - what we are conditioned to do. Wouldn't it be great to abandon that part of you and see what comes through your senses in regards to the other person? For example, a good feeling would break down like this: if you feel a warm sensation in your belly when you are around your new mate, this may be a signal that you feel really comfortable. You may love the sounds of their voice. You tingle at the touch of their hand. You smile when you hear them being kind to the waiter. Bad feeling: you know there is something wrong with the picture but you ignore it because they are so cute. It's important to trust your first instinct, that inner voice.

SLOW down and appreciate the other person as a person. Too often we make quick judgments. We go into these dates with a "list" when you really should be listening to the other person and what they have to offer. If you are focusing on settling down you may need to change the kind of person you are attracted to. Some people have years of fun with the party animal who knows how to please their parter (because they've had a lot of practice). When you get serious, you may want a life partner who will be there for you and your children and not looking to hop on the party bus.

I studied Tantra when I was in India. Tantra offers us the ability to see what we pick up with other senses that our culture doesn't pay attention to. Here are a couple of Tantra exercises you can try with your partner to help increase your intimacy:

The Yin Yang Game: This is a 6 hour date where each partner is allowed 3 hours for their partner to do something for them to their liking. One woman wanted to be dressed up like a queen and have her husband wipe her walkway like a footman; one man wanted his girlfriend to have the best blueberry pie in town - so much that he ran around town with her in search of it. Nothing was good enough so in the end made her a pie from scratch. One man wanted his girlfriend to come with him to a sports bar, watch a football game and have a few beers. You can take it to another level if you are at that point in your relationship. I knew a woman who wanted her breasts adored for three hours and he wanted... well, you can use your imagination. The end goal is for both people to get more comfortable asking for what they really want and get used to it being given!

Envisioning your lover as a god or goddess: This may seem a bit farfetched in today's world, as modern lovers are well too aware of what is "wrong" with their partner. Constantly bombarded with images of what the perfect lover looks like, talks like, kisses like and makes love like, we compare and analyze and find our partners not measuring up. What if we didn't focus on what is wrong, but on what is right? Ancient Tantric Buddhas practiced seeing each other as pure energy spontaneously expressing itself in embodied being. Certain Tantric gods had red or blue skin. Envision your lover as a god or goddess. Make them a different color, like blue. Try and release yourself from the mode of your culture and shock yourself into seeing something different in your partner--in a way that challenges boundaries you never thought about before. Your partner doesn't need to know. You may find energy coming out of you that adds to your experience. By envisioning our loved one as divine, it is possible to increase love in the world and to elevate our ordinary sex acts to acts of worship.

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